Legal Paths Forward for Concerned Grandparents
by David Hudson
If you're a grandparent worried about a grandchild's safety — or afraid of losing contact with them — you're not alone. These situations are more common than people realize, and the legal path forward is more complex than most expect.
For those who are considering stepping in, it is important to understand what the law requires, what the process looks like and what the personal cost may be. Grandparent custody cases are among the most emotionally and legally complex matters we handle.
After all, the law doesn’t simply award custody to whoever can provide the best home. Parents have a constitutional right to raise their children in North Carolina, so a court must first find that both parents are unfit or have acted inconsistently with their parental rights before custodial placement with a grandparent over the objection of one or both parents can even be considered.
Why Grandparents Seek Custody
In my experience, there are two common scenarios that prompt grandparents to seek legal counsel.
The child is already living with the grandparent, and the grandparent wants to make that arrangement official before a parent tries to change it.
The child isn't living with the grandparent, but there are serious concerns about the child's safety — abuse, neglect, substance abuse, instability — that make the grandparent feel they need to step in.
Custody petitions by grandparents may also arise after the death of a parent or during active custody litigation between two parents, when neither parent seems presently fit to care for the child.
Temporary vs. Permanent Custody
Unlike informal living arrangements, legal custody generally means the child resides with you and you have decision-making authority for his or her wellbeing — meaning doctors, schools, and courts recognize you as your grandchild’s primary caregiver and guardian.
Custody can be requested on a temporary or permanent basis. In most cases, attorneys will advise seeking both in order to protect the child while the permanent case is pending. Without temporary custody in place, there’s nothing legally stopping a parent from showing up and taking the child back before the final custody hearing.
It's also worth knowing that even "permanent" custody orders can be revisited later if circumstances substantially change. Once a grandparent is granted permanent custody, however, the legal presumption can shift in favor of maintaining that order.
Some grandparents also ask about adoption, which is a different and complex process of its own — involving terminating the parental rights of all established, living parents and eliminating their obligation to provide future child support. Unless both parents consent, adoption is typically not the first step, though it can be considered later on.
What Makes a Strong Case?
Courts look for clear, documented evidence of serious problems. Common examples include:
physical abuse in the home
substance abuse issues in the home
unsafe or unstable housing situations
failing to meet the child’s basic needs
leaving the child with third parties for extended periods
This is where documentation is crucial. Save text messages and emails, keep a calendar of overnight stays, and hold onto any photos or other evidence that supports your concerns. The grandparents who are best positioned going into a case are usually those who started keeping records early.
Know the Real Costs
Grandparent custody cases are often more complicated than disputes between two parents — and not simply because there may now be three parties, each with their own attorney.
Litigation can cost thousands of dollars per month, and if formal evaluations or expert witnesses are involved, costs rise quickly.
Beyond the financial strain, you should be prepared for the emotional toll. Filing a custody action against your own child can permanently damage — or potentially end — that relationship. It's a serious decision that deserves honest reflection about whether the circumstances truly call for it.
First Steps
Before you do anything else, talk to an attorney. Too often, grandparents come in a year or more after concerns first arose, having already made missteps that complicate their case or having missed valuable opportunities to take action. Early legal advice helps you document things correctly, avoid common mistakes, and determine whether going to court is even the right move for your situation.
Family dynamics can be complicated, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. But you don’t have to navigate them alone. If you're worried about your grandchild, the most important thing you can do is get informed early and move carefully. At Siemens Family Law Group, we’re here to listen, help you understand your options, and figure out the best path forward.
About the Author
David M. Hudson is a NC Board Certified Specialist in Family Law. David enjoys getting to know new clients and learning the particulars of their individual circumstances so that he can better understand what they want and need from him. Maintaining close relationships and regular communication with his clients is key to David’s practice. David collaborates with his clients in goal setting and then works cooperatively with the clients to achieve the goals set.